The First Step
by SnapeFanNo1
Summary: Bit of a rubbish title, I know, but I really can't think of anything else...SiriusRemus slash again, though I warn you all of my stories will be, most likely...I'm very fangirlish in that respect


The knock at the door, too loud, too real, disturbing his train of thought, distracting him from the reason he's here in the first place. Glancing up at the ceiling, feeling oddly nervous for the first time in his life, Sirius replays the speech once more and waits for an answer, shuffling his feet and biting his lower lip.

_God, you've never been this nervous before what is wrong with you?_

_This is it, this is when he finds out everything, who I am all of it. I mean what if he hates me for it?_

_He's your best fiend he won't hate you. Remember that time in third year when he annoyed you and you put maggots in…_

_Yes, yes of course I remember. Good times we had, always mucking around--but this is totally different, this is like nothing that's happened between us. This isn't some stupid, childish prank, this is me, the truth, my whole life._

_Then how could he hate you for it, if it is entirely who you are?_

_Well that's the point isn't it, he didn't know that this is who I am. He thought I was just another brilliant but normal prankster—_

_You are normal—_

_But he might not see it as normal, it's never really come up in conversation. Well, why would it because _I _thought I was normal as well—_

_Sirius for fuck's sake you are normal!_

_Well I know that but, oh God what am I doing, this could ruin our entire friendship, he'll never talk to me again, he'll never even want to look at me again—_

_You're being bloody paranoid that's the problem. Just relax, there aren't going to be any problems. Just talk it over with him and then he'll understand and—_

_Shit! What about Remus, I mean he never asked for any of this, I never checked with him if it was okay to tell anyone, I just came here for my own stupid, selfish reasons and then they'll find out and never talk to either of us ever and—_

_Remus is his best friends as well, you're both his best friends._

_That's the whole bloody point, we're his best friends and now we're dating, for God's sake…_

_Did you just say dating?_

_Well we are really aren't we?_

_It just sounds weird, I mean it's not like you've ever gone on an actual date or anything is it?_

_Why would I do that, it would be too uncomfortable for us and anyway—_

_Have you ever asked him though? Maybe he wants to be taken out for dinner and…and wooed, or whatever it is he said. You know the whole flowers and poetry and stuff…he likes poetry…_

_God, I never thought about that and now everyone is going to know that we've been going out for months and I've never been bothered to 'woo' him properly, like you should do. What if he stops liking me because I haven't asked him on a date before?_

_Well that's just ridiculously paranoid, that's no reason to stop liking a person is it? And he would have brought it up before if it was an issue…surely?_

_Well, you know what he's like, he never makes a fuss. Just accepts things as they go and hates making a scene or complaining because then he would worry about people would say about him complaining._

_Still, it's normal for couples to go out on dates isn't it? Maybe it's what he is expecting and he's been trying to think of a way to bring it up in conversation, but is too scared too in case you stop liking _him_ for being too pushy and needy, or whatever._

_But…he's never really been too scared to talk about things with me has he? I was the only one he ever really opened up to._

_Well, yes, but that was before wasn't it? You were just friends then and I suppose he didn't think it so serious, but now there's something for him to hold on to and not want to destroy._

_Bugger. I'm going to go in and tell them all about us and what I am and then I'm going to go back home and he'll be sitting there, all quite and fumbling with his jumper sleeve like he always does when he's nervous and I'll tell him that everyone knows and he'll be angry, only not because he's never angry and he'll say it was a waste of time, I never appreciated him enough, we never even went on a proper date and then he'll leave and—_

"Sirius, hi!"

"James…I've got to tell you something. Important."


End file.
